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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
~Love never fails. | | |
| I was just rocking Ace a minute ago and I was looking at his fingers for some reason, and I was just thinking at how perfect they were. How perfect God makes all of his children. They are so tiny, yet so beautiful. Seriously, you can learn a lot from a baby. I have been. Nothing much has been going on. Trying to get in school. I guess I'm delaying it b/c I'm lazy. I hate the thought of starting something new and it failing. But actually the course I wanted to take is still being credited and isn't offered yet. I guess we'll just see what happens. I'm so happy today is Friday and I get to leave at 4:45! I wish it was sooner. I don't know what I'm doing tonight, but hopefully I won't be stupid. Lately I just haven't thought about my actions and the consequences they bring. That's really immature on my part, I know. I've been living my life for me, and what I want to do. Living in the moment. It's going to cost me. And that scares me. | | |
| Some of you probably don't know but I've quit my old job as a Medical Biller and started babysitting full time. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really not. The lady I work for now is my best friends sister and she's really cool. She's paying me more then what I was making at Life Line, and she has 2 weeks off during the summer, 2 weeks off for Christmas, and 1 week off for Thanksgiving and all those other little holidays inbetween and she's gonna pay me during this time! Ahh, but I think this is making my "motherly instinct" come out. This morning I was feeding him a bottle and I was just starring at him and I watched him fall asleep and I almost started crying! Haha, that's silly, huh? I've just been real emotional lately. He's asleep now and I'm on here. I've been emailing Val-Tech all day about school. I'm not even sure what I want to do anymore. I've got to set up an appointment with a lady there that's gonna help me. Well - see you peeps later!! Have a good week. | | |
| My feet are freezing. The weather in south Georgia is ridiculous. The time changing is too because I'm not the least bit tired. Probably because I slept for 4 hours today too when I got home. I'm kinda glad I have this xanga site. It really does help me to write my feelings down when they feel trapped inside of me. Sometimes I can't even find the words to express how I feel. Tonight - lost. Disappointed, alone, sad. Who am I anymore? What have I become? What happened to my spirit? I know it's still inside of me. It's just trapped and can't come out. My friends tell me I "think" too much. Sometimes I know I do. Everytime I write on this I always end up starring at the screen and thinking more. My heart is heavy. I haven't even realized how much I've hurt God yet, and that's sad. I don't even think I've realized how much I've hurt myself. I've been pushing and pushing and getting nowhere. Reaching out, and finding no one. I listened to my United Live CD tonight - "More Than Life". And one part says something like "let go of everything I've done and run into your open arms. . ." I remember doing that once. I let go of everything I had done and fell into Gods arms and let Him heal me. All that hurt and pain. Then selfishly I turned from Him and started the hurt and pain all over again. This life is not meant for us to drink away, smoke away, or anything else. I know what it's meant for, and that's the sad part. We weren't created to live for ourselves. Sometimes that means sacrafice. I'm sure Jesus would have loved to skip the beating and the torture. But He sacraficed for me, and for you. And that's beauty in itself. But me, I'm not so beautiful lately and it hurts. | | |
| I'm listening to this song by Chantel Kreviazuk "Feels Like Home". It's such a pretty song. Reminds me of how I'll feel when I finally meet him. I speak of him like I already know him. And in ways I do. Why do girls waste their time on different boys that they know nothing is going to come of it? Why not be patient and wait for that person to come into your life, instead of searching and pushing people down trying to get to him? To me, it isn't worth it. Yet I still find myself doing it. Trying to fill the empty part of me with a guy is not going to make me happy. The new will wear off and I'll still find myself searching. Searching for who? God. He's the only one that has filled that hole and left me speechless. No other guy has done anything close to that. Where have I gone? I'm so far from God I don't even feel Him anymore. I know He's still here, but I am not. I've let the world slowly drag me back down to their level, and it's sad. I share these things with only my xanga friends. No one else even knows I think or feel these things. And they probably never will. The people I hang out with now don't want to know or hear about God. One day I'm hoping something will snap and I can tell them all how wonderful He really is. | | |
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